The art of being different
An attempt at breaking the social barrier of judgement
I can’t recall the first time someone called me different or when someone told me that they didn’t like me. Nevertheless, the only memory that I possess is that I was definitely hurt and perhaps also broke down into tears. Well, who would have thought that just a few years down the line, this very different or abnormal personality of mine would become my identity and my only spark of confidence in life?
That day, while taking a stroll in the midst of what would be one of the most extreme weathers my city has experienced, a lot of thoughts crossed my mind and without any delay, I decided to pen down my thoughts.
The Beauty of Uniqueness: As I said, from my very childhood, I have always been different from the rest, and throughout my life, this trait of mine has separated me from the rest of the crowd and while most of you would consider it to be a major disadvantage, I would look at it otherwise. Ever since I was a kid, I liked to stay alone and funnily enough, even today, some of my neighbors don’t have a clue about my existence. Severe anger issues are something that I suffer from a very young age and that has been a major turn and god knows the number of relationships that have been ruined thanks to my anger. Very often, I felt dejected and pondered over why I was so isolated from the rest of the people. That was until I realized that I was unique, different from everybody else.
Honestly, it was this very late realization that changed everything for me. There are some qualities, some traits which make me Debarko Dutta and not Tom, Dick or Harry. Amid this modern socially captivated world, we often forget to look at ourselves in the mirror. Society’s perception of our character is all that matters to us and as a result of which, a lot of us lack the confidence or the courage to come out and express ourselves freely. I for instance have a great affinity for music and art in general and I am perhaps the only person you will meet who listens to Pink Floyd, Kanye West, and Olivia Rodrigo although a lot of people may laugh at me for my tangled-up taste in music, I would look at it as a characteristic which defines me. I am also the only person in my entire batch who runs a personal newsletter and although I don’t receive much validation for it, I am happy to know that I am unique in my way. I am a very straightforward man and I have a very low tolerance rate which again makes my whole personality less “attractive” but again that very confidence to point out people’s mistakes at the right time is what I consider as another unique trait.
This article is not about me obsessing over myself but it is instead about my journey to break free of societal judgements and the fear of being all by myself. Every day I used to take a look in the mirror and ask myself why are you Debarko Dutta and not anyone else? The answer was simple, it was because I was unique, I might not be a genius or a jack of all trades but I was happy with who I was. Slowly but surely these realisations began having an extraordinary impact on my life and changed it for the better.
Finding the right tribe: One thing that I have learned over my teenage years is that you don’t need to have many friends or be a part of some “popular” friend group to lead a happy life. Rather the main point is to embrace your unique qualities and interests and share them with like-minded people. I never had too many friends at any point in my life yet I was never short of the friends whom I wanted. I have seen a lot of people who purposely try to seek attention and despite having no relevance in the group, they try to stick around with the false hopes of becoming relevant at some point or the other. Thus from that day, I made it my principle to step out when someone didn’t value my presence. If one doesn’t treat me right, they don’t deserve the right treatment either. As a result, I don’t have a lot of popular friends here and there nor a popular fan base to show off. Rather, I stay lonely for most of my time but at the same time, I ensure that the time I spend with my friends is the best time of my life. Honestly, that is enough for me and that is exactly what keeps me happy.
Escaping society’s deadly grasp: Although I don’t know about the rest of you, I have often woken up with the fear of going out and facing society. I always had to put on a mask to conceal my true identity in hopes of pleasing the expectations of society. It’s just that none of us are confident to express ourselves in front of people. The fear of negative judgments is an omnipresent force that controls us throughout our lives and overcoming this very fear is what has been one of the biggest achievements in my life. The fear of being judged constantly is the worst thing that can happen to us. That is the very reason why we are so comfortable texting someone in the comfort of our own space and at the same time, we struggle to talk to that same person in public.
There are always questions in our mind: What outfit should I wear today? Would it be fine for me to post this story on social media? Is it fine to get this haircut? Would this statement hurt the other person? Believe me, even though I had thousands of questions revolving around my head at all times with the right amount of effort, I managed to overcome them and to be very honest, that is something that changed my life forever.
From that day onwards, I never thought twice before wearing something that would arouse others’ attention or getting a haircut which people would laugh at. I was not scared of posting things that would be considered “cringe” or making comments that would be “too sensitive.”
I did get into a lot of trouble for being so open and straightforward, but when it came with an improvement in my well-being, I was ready to sacrifice it all. A lot of people have told me that I possess a very unpleasant attitude and even if such statements hurt me at first, now it doesn’t make a difference because when I go to bed at the end of the day, I know that I might be unpleasant but I do not conceal myself under some fake personality to please others.
The very famous “No-One-Cares” mentality is something that genuinely helped me with building confidence. I always looked and asked myself what the problem was and every time the answer was very trivial. For instance, before starting this very project of mine, I was scared. Questions were haunting me: “What were people going to think of me? Would anyone even care about what I was writing? Would I become a wannabe among my peers? Today, I am already confidently publishing my third issue and although my subscribers are still restricted to friends and family, I am sure that soon enough, I will be able to grow this into something bigger. That is the mentality that I carry with me everywhere and that is the mentality that allows me to sleep in peace.
And honestly, no one cares about what you wear how you look, or what you do. At the end of the day, it is just you, your family, and your followers and as long as you manage to stay close to them, there is nothing that should be stopping you. My biggest takeaway from this year so far has been that the fear of judgment is by far the most atrocious obstacle to self-confidence and self-exploration and eliminating this very thought from the back of your mind is the best way to start your year. It is all about modifying perspectives which will change the game. If someone makes a negative comment about you, try to turn it into praise. Everyone is here to fight the world on their own and there will be people who will laugh at you, mock your aspirations, and even spit on your hard work and it is only at the moment you manage to overcome all this, that you become a winner.